Vanilla Events – e.g. Christmas parties/new years parties

  • If there are any vanilla persons present, do not give any indication that you are kinky.
  • If you come across someone from the scene who you’ve “never met” in a vanilla setting, do not acknowledge you know them. Introduce yourself/be introduced as if you’ve never met.
  • Don’t ever call someone from the scene by their scene name. Use their vanilla name only.
  • I know, it sounds a little dull, but you can still keep it exciting / engage in a power exchange. For example, a Dom may order a sub to:
    • Wear no underwear;
    • Wear certain panties;
    • Make the sub greet others in a certain way, for example hug females, shake hands with males;
    • Ask permission (subtly), to have more than two drinks;
    • Be responsible for getting drinks for the Dom throughout the event;
    • Fondle himself/herself in the bathroom after each drink. No orgasm allowed. Once finished, sub must find Dom and give a wink to acknowledge the task has been completed.

BDSM/Fetish/Kink Events – not munches

  • Always be polite, you can’t go wrong with common sense and courtesy.
  • Do NOT hug or touch anyone. It is considered rude unless you know them and have set up a custom of greeting them in this way. If you are unsure, always ask permission.
  • If a Dom is with His/Her sub, always greet the Dom first.
  • Sir or Ma’am is a polite greeting. You may also ask “how do you wish to be addressed”?
  • Let the Dom introduce the sub. If not, don’t initiate conversation with a sub you don’t know when he/she is with Dom/me.
  • If sub is on his/her own, ask them “Hello, are you free to speak?” – they will either say “yes” or they may be restricted by their Dom/me from talking to strangers. If this is the case, don’t take offence.
  • If you’re a sub, you may initiate conversations with Dom/mes. Ask them “Hello Sir/Ma’am, may I speak with you?”.
  • If you’re not sure of someone’s status, ask them. It’s ideal to give yours first. For example, “Hello, I’m a sub, may I ask whether you’re a Dom or sub?”
  • Just remember, if you’re a sub, you are not required to call other Dom/mes “Master”. Sir or Ma’am is polite. Do not kneel before Dom/mes you’ve just met.
  • In saying that, a Dom may require their sub to meet specific persons in certain ways. For example, “when we meet with Master John, I require you to greet him as “Master John” and kneel at his feet/kiss Him on the cheek”.

The main message: be polite, use the correct honorifics if you are a sub, never out anyone, when in the presence of a vanilla person do not give any indication of the scene.

Do you have any special greeting rules? Or rules for vanilla places?