Even the most obedient slaves will lose their place once in a while. When this happens you need to be prepared on how to handle the situation. Discipline or punishment is clearly in order but after that you need to ask yourself “why did my slave disobey?” and see how this can make your relationship stronger. Let’s make one thing clear; having a Master who wants to even deal with a disobedient slave is a wonderful thing.

The first important thing to mention here is that discipline and punishment are two completely different things. Discipline is in order when your slave disobeys unknowingly. Punishment is in order when they disobey on purpose. Keep this in mind and pay attention to the way they disobeyed and how often they do it. Getting a handle on this is very important otherwise you will lose control of your situation all together.

As with any other aspect of the BDSM lifestyle communication is key. If your slave is unknowingly disobeying often then it is time to sit down and have a discussion. Even though he/she is your slave it is still the responsibility that you both understand the expectations. This will be the time to clarify things or maybe even address things that you both have not thought about before entering into the relationship. If a slave is knowingly being disobedient chances are they are doing it for attention. slaves do have needs and it is possible your slave is craving some sort of affection. You know like when a kid does something bad and they know it but they don’t care because they still get noticed? Think of it that way.

Another reason a slave is being disobedient is that they secretly get sexual satisfaction from being punished. They may never come right out and say this to you. In their mind the Masters needs and desires are the only ones that matter so if the Master knew the punishment was a sexual turn on they may even lose their role as slave all together.

The mentality of a Master will vary widely from person to person. Just like anything else in this lifestyle not everyone will agree with everything. Some will ask why bother making your relationship stronger when you can just replace the slave? Some Masters will not care at all and add another slave to pick up the slack. However common sense dictates that if you want a real, long, and fulfilling relationship then you need to communicate. It is the only way your relationship will grow stronger.

Ask them flat out why they are being disobedient. Are they happy? Is there something else going on that you are not aware of? Do they want out? The point is get down to the nitty gritty to see what the problem is then you will have an idea on how to improve the situation. If you never got around to negotiating terms, a detailed Master/slave contract may be in order.

Something else to consider is whether or not your slave is new to the lifestyle. If so you may want to consider a lead by example relationship with another slave. Let the new slave see exactly how they should act by bringing in an experienced one. Sometimes this is the best way a new slave can learn.

Uneducated people tend to think that the only thing a Master does is beat their slaves into submission and that they get off on it. Some do, but not all. Masters who do that have no interest in a strong Master/slave relationship to begin with. As the Master you are the one who determines if there is discipline or punishment in order. You as the Master decide how many times the slave can be disobedient before having to reevaluate the situation. You hold all the cards; play them wisely.

Written by Kelly N – contributing author