Tips for Writing Your BDSM Contract

/Tips for Writing Your BDSM Contract
Tips for Writing Your BDSM Contract 2017-01-12T02:50:15+00:00

This might shock you….you do not need to be a lawyer to write your own BDSM Contract.

Nobody does.

You might need help with the wording or getting you started, but you certainly don’t need to pay legal fees to get your own Contract written up.

All you need is the basic structure of writing up such a document.

But first, before you sit down and write your first sentence, you need an agreement.

You need to be able to know, at least, the fundamentals of what you’re entering into.

So, the very first step is to sit down with your partner and have an open and honest discussion.

Your talks should cover things like your needs, wants and expectations from the arrangement.

Once you’ve discovered what it is that you both agree to, then it’s time to start getting it down on paper.

Grab my FREE negotiation training series.

Here is the most valuable advice I can give you from writing Contracts throughout my 14 year legal career:

  1. Write down a list of the terms you agree on. Download the free Negotiation Sheet (you’ll see the button above) and use it to help get you started.
  1. Assume everything will go wrong. I know it doesn’t seem very enthusiastic, but this is the best way to ensure you cover ALL the “what ifs” in your agreement. What if one party wants to end the BDSM arrangement? What if the sub feels a command is too dangerous? What if the Dominant wants to take on other slaves or subs? Cover all the factual situations which can happen.
  1. State the names/nicknames of the parties and identify their roles. For example, Sir Peter “the Dominant”/“the Owner” or kitty “the sub”/“the pet”.
  1. State the commencement date on the cover page or in the first paragraph. This makes it easy to find if you ever need to refer back later on.
  1. Write up an outline of the contract in logical order. Underline or bold the headings and subheadings. You don’t need to write them all at once. Just get the outline done first, then write the paragraphs as you think of them. Try to group related concepts in the same sections. For example: term, submissive’s duties, limits, termination. Use the negotiation worksheet for help.
  1. In each paragraph, simply write the terms/conditions that you agree to in regards to that point. Just explain the agreement in your own words. You don’t need legal jargon (actually it’s better if you stay away from that and just use plain language).
  1. Check off the points in your outline as you write the Contract. Also, keep a pad handy to jot down clauses you may wish to add after you finish this part. It’s very easy to forget them.
  1. Identify your drafts. You may end up writing a number of drafts and believe me, it can get very confusing if one came before the other. On each, write “draft” followed by the date it was written.
  1. Don’t expect the Contract to be binding. The idea of writing such an agreement is to share your goals and expectations. Then regularly refer back to the contract to evaluate how the relationship is going and whether anything needs changing. Signing a contract is never about making the other person stay with you and coercing them obey its contents. No contract can do this, not even if written by a kink aware lawyer.
  1. Lastly, take your time. Don’t rush into starting your relationship if you haven’t hashed out all the issues. For example: as a Dom, are you going to expect your sub to serve you drinks and clean the house when she/he hasn’t agreed to provide servitude? The sub may only want to serve you sexually and perhaps only on weekends? Lots of couples mistakenly assume that the other person will just know what’s involved. The truth is, every relationship is different. Talking it over and getting it down in writing makes sense for this exact reason. It eliminates hurt feelings and arguments through false expectations.

Like this advice? Click here for the best BDSM contract templates we have to offer…