Creating a Perfect Day in Your BDSM Lifestyle
Why design a perfect day for your BDSM dynamic?
When starting out in kinky relationships, many of us have high or unrealistic expectations of what a power exchange dynamic looks like.
Many dream of being in an ongoing state of erotic charge, constantly wearing kinky outfits or shackled to furniture all day long.
It’s just not realistic or practical.
So, when you find yourself mostly engaging vanilla activities you may start to question your power dynamic.
Of course, there are steps you can take to amp up your power exchange.
BUT, first consider this possibility…
Do things seem mundane, perhaps, because you are too stressed or busy with other aspects of your life?
Is your attention focused on trying to find novelty, rather than being present?
Perhaps you now overlook the simple interactions that used to bring you joy?
There’s a concept called “hedonic adaptation” – which claims that as pleasures become familiar, they lose their ability to deliver joy.
The thing is….
Doing things over and over doesn’t make them boring.
We lose interest because we stop paying attention.
Research suggests that people enjoy repeat experiences more than they predict they will and “Repetition too could add an unforeseen spice to life”.
Each time we undertake a repeated activity, there’s something new to observe and hence a new experience to be gained (missed nuances).
So, perhaps the key to a happy, long lasting power exchange is to design your ultimate day and repeat it often.
Use our BDSM Contract to plan your ideal power exchange.
Of course, you can still explore new activities an kinks. Having a perfect day planned out just eases the burden when you don’t have time for this.
Common features of a perfect day in BDSM
A few years back, I asked my audience what a perfect day looks like (or would look like) in their dynamic.
Surprisingly, all of the responses consisted of the simple things in life (an ordinary day, just sprinkled with a dash of kink and connection).
From the responses, the commonalities of their best day included one or more of the following (not in order of importance):
- Rituals (morning, arrival, bed time etc.);
- Rules and/or routine tasks;
- Kinky play, punishment or funishment; and
- Affection, adoration, service or some form of connection.
You can easily put these into place once you’ve negotiated and tested what you both enjoy in your dynamic.
So, what does this mean?
The lessons learned here are:
- Repeat experiences are NOT mundane (you may have missed nuances to enjoy);
- Perfect days do not require elaborate planning, extravagant spending or even trying new kinks;
- Even the most ordinary of days can end up being your most memorable experiences.
What next?
Consider what would your optimum day look like in your dynamic?
How do you create your perfect days? This comes by acquiring knowledge about yourself and your partner; what do you both enjoy doing together, what rules and rituals speak to you. What makes you feel connected? Test and pay attention, be present.
When repeating your best day, pay attention to any missed nuances to enjoy the next time around.
I hope you have fun creating yours and reliving it over and over as a new experience each time.
Examples of a Perfect Day in BDSM
For inspiration, here are some examples by others…. Enjoy!
Obviously not everything will appeal to everyone, but you will see, just how simple a perfect day can be.
To negotiate your needs and desires, use our BDSM Contract template for ideas.
A perfect day in BDSM by Slave d
A perfect day begins with a gentle wake up where I pleasure Master with my hands and mouth to rouse him from sleep. A good morning kiss, then I’m up to make Master’s breakfast before I leave for work. He likes when I leave him little love notes so I will usually leave one next to his breakfast plate while he’s still stretching and getting out of bed, then I’m out the door.
I get home from work first, so when I arrive, I shower and make myself look nice for him. I will get dinner started and do any slave chores that are need done or tasks he has given me via text during the day. When he arrives home, I greet him at the door, on my knees. After patting my head and telling me to rise, we hug and kiss and if dinner isn’t ready yet I have a healthy snack of some sort waiting for him because I know he always comes home hungry.
We eat dinner by candlelight with soft music in the background, at opposite ends of our long dining table. Master asks about my day and I ask about his. Sometimes we discuss our relationship or issues with our dynamic, or he just “checks in” with me to make sure slave’s needs are being met.
After dinner I feed our kids (3 large dogs), clean up the dishes, then we take the kids for a long walk around the neighborhood together. This is special time for us to love on our kids and talk about our future together or make plans for our next trip.
When we get home, I unleash the kids and give them a treat. I will relax and check emails or read for a bit while Master is working out in our home gym. If I’m very lucky, Master will then get out some bondage and impact play equipment and we will have Master/ slave time.
If that doesn’t happen, we will cuddle together in bed (with one or more of the kids) and watch whatever show we are currently bingeing. Then it’s lights out. We normally sleep wrapped in each other’s arms; it took me awhile to get used to but now it makes me feel very safe and loved, and Master likes holding on to his owned property while he sleeps.
A perfect day in our BDSM Dynamic by Princess Gaia
A perfect day in my dynamic starts with my sub having woken up, and completing his morning routine (getting ready, some light exercise, and cleaning parts of our home) before I wake up. He would then come over and greet me (his princess) good morning while kneeling in front of me. I acknowledge his morning wishes, make sure he’s wearing his symbolic bracelet, and give him a kiss, and then he sits on the bed and waits patiently as I brush my teeth, do basic skincare and drink some water.
We would start the day with a scene in mind (we prefer reality-centred scenes compared to roleplay). Ideally, we would have time to enjoy that for 30-60 minutes, before heading downstairs to eat breakfast together. He will prepare breakfast while I do a quick workout, and we will eat together.
After breakfast, we would both get on with our “normal lives” with work and studies, occasionally checking in on each other throughout the day.
In the evening, we would come back and take a walk together in the neighbourhood or garden, with him walking slightly behind me, as we take the time to reconnect together and share about our days.
Then, we would go home, cook together a meal that I choose (he’s allowed to make suggestions and add them to a list where I will pick menus for the next week), and have dinner.
We then spend some time working on our personal projects, and I come to check in with him in an hour. He would give me a nice massage and then we will do to bed together and sleep for the day.
Perfect Day by Sir K
I don’t know about perfect, but thoroughly enjoyable would be accurate. It would be simple, quiet, and relaxing.
My pet and I would slowly wake up, cuddle for a while before showering where I would have her wash my body head to toe. We’d then go to a local diner we enjoy for some time out of the house together. Coming home we’d likely spend most of the day lounging about or doing relaxing activities together.
The evening would change a bit though, as we would slowly ramp up our flirting and play throughout the day. Come evening I’d walk up behind her, pulling her head back by her hair and whispering in her ear “Come with me pet.”.
We’d head up to the bedroom where I would put on a custom playlist and have her prepare our implements. We would start with light impact play, getting rougher as she fell into subspace and I was turned on. I would work through the instruments I enjoy using on her working up to a good crescendo of pain and sound. Listening to her hold back the gasps and whimpers while her body begins to flush and mark with our play.
When she’s nearly had enough and fully in subspace that’s when I’d take her. I’d make sure she has her personal toy available and I’d have my way with her while she begs me to give it to her harder and harder getting louder and louder with every second until she’s nearly yelling my title.
When finished we’d check to make sure we’re both ok, and then hold each other close until she’s nearly passed out peacefully. I’d then leave her to rest while I head back downstairs to relax and wind down for the night.
This is what our ideal day looks like – Daddy’s little Girl
Daddy and I wake up curled up together in bed. He kisses my forehead and tells me it is time to get out of bed. After using the bathroom and showering, brushing our teeth, and getting dressed, we go make breakfast together. After a filling and healthy breakfast, we go on a walk and decide what we want to do that day together.
We decide on visiting our favorite adult store and buying some new toys. We go shopping and purchase some new stuff. After buying our new toys Daddy asks me if I want to go to dinner with him that night. I agree. He sends me out for a full body wax and relaxing day. After I am waxed and made perfect for Daddy I go and put on Daddy’s favorite dress.
We go to dinner and Daddy is making it his mission to torment the hell out of me. Teasing me, running his fingers up and down my inner thighs and barely brushing over my clit as he whispers all of his plans for dessert in my ear in a breathy tone. I’m not hungry anymore. He makes me eat though as I will need my strength for what is to come.
As soon as we get home he rips the dress off me and leaves me standing in just a bra, panties, and heels. He tells me to kneel. I do so without question. He goes and pours himself a drink. He takes off his jacket and tosses it over the chair. He takes a sip of his whiskey and opens my mouth and drips it into my mouth.
We then proceed to have a lengthy scene. After it is all over and I cannot move. Daddy brings me my Gomez (stuffy) and cleans me up and rubs my lemon lotion all over me. He gives me 2 Aleve and 2 bottles of water and tells me to drink up. He cuddles me and tells me what a good little girl I am. We fall asleep wrapped up around each other.
My ideal day in a BDSM relationship by Sarah Meek
A perfect day would be finding someone who compliments my submissiveness and doesn’t ghost me and gives me honesty and time and is willing to build a relationship that will eventually lead to 24/7 TPE. For him to put his collar on me himself to spank me before bedtime and then chain my ankle to the bed spank me when I wake up and then unchain me. Set’s goals for me to do during the day to help with my mental health and to advance my creativity.
To receive a text from him before he leaves work saying what I need to be in what position I need to be in what I need to be doing when he walks through the door. To cook his dinner and nail it his feet and only be allowed food from his plate when he decides.
To bathe/shower him show him my devotion. To always know that at any time he wishes this body’s his to take and it only takes a look for me to remember. To be bratty one night grab the remote from his hand and take off through the house knowing I’m going to get caught and get in trouble.
But I still giggle and laugh along the way just for him to finally catch me throw me over his shoulder bind me to the whipping bench that he easily puts in front of him as he watches TV and spanks me as long as he feels as necessary well at the same time a ring gag is locked around my head and his cock is in my mouth.
That would be a perfect day being able to trust someone enough to take care of me, not push me too hard, to not be afraid that after day is ended they will leave and I will never hear again from them because that is what I fear every day that I attempt to find someone. I would give anything to have this and not have my heart broken yet again.
A perfect day in our BDSM Dynamic – M & Q
I wake up before Daddy and I go down to make him breakfast so that we can have energy for the day. When I finish, I will bring it up to him and then kneel at the foot of the bed till he wakes up and instructs me in what to do.
When he is finally awake, he will tell me to join him in bed so we can both eat the meal I cooked. While we are eating, he will line out all that I am to do for him in the day. It would be a weekend so I can pleasure him all he wants.
For my first task I am to strip in front of Sir, gather the dishes in his room that he allows me to stay in and go clean them. As I go to collect the dishes, he wipes some syrup on my chest and then leans in to lick and suck my nipple till it is clean. Daddy then sends me off with a slap to my ass that has me start to turn on.
After my chore is done for my Daddy, I am to kneel till he is out of the shower. Once he is out of the shower Sir comes up to me, tells me open and then starts to face fuck me. He grabs hold of my hair and pulls me along his cock while I gag and moan and drool all over him and myself. Once Daddy is satisfied with my mouth, he will use me in every way he can and wants.
My orgasms are controlled and when I cannot hold them any longer despite permission I will be cropped on my sensitive pussy till my lesson is learned. Sir will degrade me and call me his slut and whore. He will claim his property by leaving scratches, bite marks, and bruises.
By the end of the afternoon I will know no name other than Daddy/Sir. I will be too much of a cummed up, drooling, messy plaything to know anything but who owns my body, mind, soul, and emotions.