If you are considering inviting multiple persons into your relationship, then you may wish to consider adding polyamory clauses to your BDSM Dominant/submissive or Master/slave contract.

What is Polyamory

Polyamory is consensual and ethical non-monogamy where a person(s) in a relationship has an ongoing romantic relationship (whether sexual or not) with another person or persons. This is of course with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved, including the “other” person’s spouse or significant other. Honesty, communication and transparency are of paramount importance for helping to avoid hurt feelings, jealousy and unintentional relationship breakdown. This is where having a Contract can be valuable.

Structuring Consensual Non-Monogamy in a Contract

Polyamorous relationships may be structured in various ways.

If you are a married Dominant and submissive couple, you and your spouse may consider yourselves to be each other’s primary. This usually means your relationship takes priority over other romantic relationships. You may wish to draft clauses in your Contract to outline when and how veto powers may be used.

A secondary is another person with whom either or both of you have an ongoing romantic/emotional or sexual relationship. This may just involve dating (whether vanilla or BDSM) or you may be fully committed. They may be your secondary because you may not live with or share finances with them.

A triad usually applies where three persons have a romantic, emotional and/or sexual relationship with each other. It may also refer to a “Vee” type arrangement where, of the three parties involved, one has a relationship with two parties, who do not have a romantic or sexual relationship with each other.

Example of a Vee relationship: Master and slave are married. slave also has a consensual relationship with Party C. Master does not have a relationship with Party C. In this case, Party C, is referred to as Master’s “Metamour”.

A quad involves four people who may all have a relationship with each other. If they are all romantically or sexually involved, this is referred to a s a full quad. For example, a polyamorous couple entwining with a cross-couple.

There is a myriad of ways in which non-monogamy can be structured. So how do you incorporate all of this into your Contract?

There are two main methods of achieving this:

1.    A detailed Contract covering all relationships; or

2.    A separate Contract for each two persons involved with each other, with clauses referring to the other relationship Contracts.

Combining all the terms and conditions, wants, needs, expectations, limits, activities etc. of all your relationships into one Contract is quite a complex task. It can become confusing and messy very quickly. So, option 2 above offers a cleaner solution.

The clauses below may be added to any of our BDSM relationship Contracts, including:

Dominant/submissive Contract

Master/slave Contract

Mistress/slave Contract

Total Power Exchange BDSM Contract

Clauses for a Polyamorous Dominant/submissive Contract

Here are some sample clauses you may wish to use/adapt to include poly dynamics into your Dominant/submissive Contract:

Please note, for the sake of simplicity, the pronouns “he” has been used for the D-type and “she” for the s-type.

The parties acknowledge they are open to accepting romantic relationships with other persons on the following terms:

Dominant’s Right to Meet Others

  1. The Dominant may flirt with other persons at any time in his absolute discretion. Flirting may/may not include sexual contact or kissing;
  2. The Dominant may have other lovers, submissives or slaves in the Dominant’s discretion;
  3. Prior to entering another relationship, the Dominant shall always consider the submissive’s feelings and shall ensure the new relationship does not negatively affect the submissive;
  4. The Dominant shall always advise the submissive about the following:
    1.  When he has flirted with another person;
    2. When he has met another person who he may have feelings for;
    3. Prior to going on dates with another person;
    4. If the Dominant wishes to sign a Contract with a new slave or submissive;
  5. The submissive is free to ask any questions about the Dominant’s other relationships or engagements. The Dominant shall always answer in an open and honest manner;
  6. If at any stage the submissive feels she is negatively impacted by the Dominant’s other relationships, she may request to speak with the Dominant about the issue on an equal standing (i.e. outside the Dominant/submissive power exchange). The parties shall use their best endeavours to resolve the issue in an amicable manner. Outside help may be sought if agreed to by both. If the parties cannot resolve the issue, the submissive may ask to be released from the relationship.

Submissive’s Right to Meet Others

  1. The submissive may flirt with other persons (not including sexual contact or kissing) only if the Dominant is present. The Dominant does not need to be privy to the conversation, as long as he is in the vicinity (for example, attending the same party);
  2. The submissive may enter into other romantic (including sexual) relationships with other persons only with the prior consent of the Dominant. Consent may be denied or withdrawn at any time in the Dominant’s absolute discretion. The Dominant shall advise the submissive of his reasoning for denying or withdrawing such consent, however, in any case, the Dominant’s decision shall be final and shall be accepted by the submissive;
  3. Prior to entering into a relationship with another person, the submissive shall present the Dominant with a draft Contract outlining the terms of the proposed relationship. The Contract must always include an acknowledgement of the submissive’s primary relationship with the Dominant and a statement that the Dominant has veto power over the new Contract.

Example Clauses for Polyamorous Master/slave Contract

Since every relationship and dynamic is different and very personal to the individuals involved, I try not to make distinctions between the types of clauses which may be included in a Contract. But, for the purposes of providing examples, here are some clauses which offer a stricter control over a slave’s polyamorous dynamics:

  1. Master may accept other lovers, subs, slaves or other d-types in his absolute discretion;
  2. slave shall accept, and shall not consider herself as superior to, Master’s other lovers, subs or slaves;
  3. Master may loan slave to other dominants provided the terms of this Contract are always upheld;
  4. slave may not have other lovers, Masters, Dominants or her own slaves, submissives or s-types without Master’s prior express consent, which may be denied or withdrawn at any time in Master’s absolute discretion. The terms of any approved relationship must always be expressly approved by Master.

You can also mention the specific polyamorous Contracts in your own BDSM Contract.

The above clauses are examples only and are not set in stone. You can (and should) add to, amend, combine, exclude any of the terms to suit your specific agreement.

Always remember that poly relationships require utmost openness, transparency, trust, communication and mutual respect. Having a contract or some type of agreement in place is the best way to ensure all parties’ rights, responsibilities and expectations are acknowledged.