Please note that BDSM contracts are not legally binding.
Some tips for Gay BDSM relationships
There is a misconception among some people that being in a gay BDSM relationship is somehow different than being in any other type of relationship. While it is true that there may be some slight differences, the simple truth is those who are in a gay BDSM relationship encounter the same kinds of problems and issues that other people who are in different lifestyles encounter. There are, however, two issues that often affect those in a gay BDSM relationship and these issues need to be addressed.
The first issue that often comes into a gay BDSM relationship that can bring it to its knees (no pun intended) has to do with over-reaching boundaries. This occurs when the Dominant partner begins to ask for or demand certain things from the sub that are beyond the sub’s comfort level. When this occurs, a whole variety of problems can arise in the relationship. By this same token, the opposite can occur in a relationship when the Dom begins to “take for granted” his or her partner. This usually occurs with those couples who have been together for a long period of time. It should be noted, however, this same condition often arises in many relationships, including vanilla relationships.
In both cases, the answer to the problem is communication. When one partner feels as if he is being burdened beyond with new tasks that they are not comfortable with, it is up to that person to bring this out into the open. The only exception to this, and this is not a firm and fast rule, would be for those who are in a TPE (Total Power Exchange) gay relationship. In those relationships, the sub is usually not allowed to express his or her feelings without permission to do so. But, the vast majority of people who are in a gay BDSM relationship are not in a TPE relationship.
This same principle of communication applies to those who feel as if they are being taken for granted. It is always better to get this out into the open and to discuss it. Many subs will find that their partners are willing to make changes once they know that there is a problem. There is no rule that says that being in any kind of gay BDSM relationship equals not being cared about by the other person. In fact, most of the gay BDSM relationships that actually last any length of time are those where love and compassion are present.
The second issue that can ruin a gay BDSM relationship (or any other type of relationship) has to do with fidelity. If you and your partner have agreed that it is okay to see other people, fine. But, for those who have made this agreement, discovering that one partner is seeing someone else can be devastating to the relationship. This applies as much to a gay BDSM relationship as it does to any other kind of relationship but, in some ways, may be even more destructive simply due to the nature and high level of trust that is required be those in a gay BDSM relationship.
That’s why it is vitally important to discuss and negotiate all the facets of your relationship beforehand. Writing up an agreement is the best way to ensure you are both on par as to what’s involved in the arrangement and expected of one another. This way you can always turn back to the relevant clause to reaffirm His/his rights and responsibilities which have been agreed upon.