When you meet someone and you’re in that new relationship energy, feelings are flying high, the last thing you want to think about is the connection coming to end.

Heartbreak in the event of a break up can be excruciating, whether it’s a BDSM relationship or any other type of arrangement.

In the midst of a breakup, it can be difficult to think clearly and to act rationally.

You may like to consider planning ahead to help guide you and to minimize the emotional pain as much as possible in the event of you parting ways.

Below is a draft clause which you can add to your BDSM Contract dealing with dynamics coming to an end.

I hope you find it useful.

The rules below are merely suggestions. Feel free to tweak them to your own personal tastes and requirements.

Rule Idea – Managing Expectations and Termination of BDSM Relationships

  • The Dominant and submissive acknowledge that when entering any relationship, there is always a possibility of the connection coming to an end.
  • To help mitigate hurt feelings and heartache, the parties wish to agree as follows:

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

Check-Ins for Desired Level of Connection

  • Currently, the level of connection that each party desires is as follows:
    • e.g. casual play only, dating, see where it goes, desire to be collared, wanting to live together.
  • The Dominant and submissive agree to evaluate and discuss their desired level of connection as follows: e.g. once a week/month.

Autonomy Training

  • Throughout the relationship, the Dominant agrees to train the submissive to become self-reliant in the event of the submissive becoming single.
  • This means the Dominant will ensure the submissive will be able to do the following effectively:
    • Live autonomously with or without a Dominant
    • Communicate their wants/needs/desires
    • Negotiate
    • Protect their boundaries
    • Vet appropriate other Dominants
  • In the event the relationship terminates prior to the submissive gaining these skills, the Dominant agrees to help the submissive vet another Dominant or to help the submissive find a kink aware therapist to do so.

RULES FOR TERMINATION

Process and Required Protocols

  • Master and slave agree to communicate their desire to terminate the relationship in the following manner: e.g verbally face to face, letter, email, asking to be released (state your specific protocols here).
  • The parties acknowledge that the slave asking to be released is a symbolic formality to show respect only (i.e. Master must not refuse the slave’s release).
  • Upon being presented with a slave’s request to be released, Master agrees to provide the necessary Relationship Breakdown Aftercare as detailed below.
  • The person wishing to terminate agrees to provide the other person with a reason for their desire to terminate.

Obligations to Attempt to Resolve Issues Prior to Termination

  • Prior to termination, the parties agree to undertake the following:
    • counseling
    • mediation
    • communicate if a boundary has been breached and give the other person an opportunity to rectify the breach
  • The above obligations do not apply in the event of: e.g. breach of an essential term of the contract (you will need to define this or create a list of the essential terms), breach of hard limits etc.

Relationship Breakdown Mental Health Obligations & Aftercare

  • Following termination, the Dominant and submissive agree to be responsible for their own mental health through self-care activities as follows:
    • Journaling
    • Continuing, resuming or finding a new hobby
    • Education/classes
    • Reaching out to friends and family
    • Seeking help from a linsensed mental health professional
  • The parties agree to provide check-ins on the following basis:
    • Frequency & length: e.g daily check-ins for the first week and thereafter weekly check-ins for a month unless the parties agree otherwise.
    • After the required check-in period specified above, any party may reach out to the other for emotional support.
  • The above requirements for check-ins do not apply:
    • in the event of: e.g. breach of an essential term or boundary (you will need to define what these are), a hard limit etc.
    • if a party requires no contact for the purpose of preserving their mental health, the requirement for no-contact shall be communicated to the other person (no ghosting).
    • The other person shall respect the request for non-communication and agrees to continue their own mental health obligations as detailed above.

I hope this has helped you, whether you are entering a relationship, currently in one or in the tormenting stages of ending one.