Learn how to create a written BDSM Contract for your power exchange relationship or kinky arrangement. Whether you’ve been together for a while, or you’ve just met, writing a contract together is the best way to hash out foundations for your dynamic.Free BDSM Contract Template Pages

This is a step-by-step guide on how to easily create the perfect Contract for you. One which will reflect your unique situation and help guide you along.

Why create a BDSM Contract?

A well written, beautifully formatted Contract can help you to:

  1. Open up the conversation and bring up difficult topics;
  2. Ensure you’ve covered all the important issues;
  3. Stay on track with your roles;
  4. Deal with problems more effectively if/when they arise;
  5. Feel closer to one another.

So, let’s get started.

Steps to Creating a BDSM Contract

A. Set yourself a time goal

Don’t overwhelm yourself with unrealistic expectations. Sure, it would be nice to click your fingers and have the perfect agreement finalized and ready to go. Creating a contract takes time. Just like with anything, if you want things done properly and specifically tailored to your needs, you must be prepared to invest the time into it.

If your needs and wants align and you’ve both already talked things over, then you could possibly have it written in a day. However, if you have clashing interests, busy schedules or if you’re new to BDSM, then it will take you some time to familiarize yourselves with the terminology and all the possible options out there.

Some people take weeks or even months to complete their contract. It is completely normal, so don’t feel as though you are failing or falling behind or losing interest or anything like that if it takes you longer than expected. Set yourself a goal (a week? A month?) to complete your contract. If you take longer, extend your timeframe, but don’t beat yourself up over it.

B. Get a general idea of what you need and want

It’s best to start with some general outline of your arrangement. For example, who’s going to be the Dominant and who will be submissive? When will the power exchange apply? 24/7? Only on weekends? What does the Dom have control over? Sexual service only? Domestic service?

To see a full list of issues to consider, download my FREE Contract Template & Negotiation Tool.

Before creating a detailed in-depth contract, you want to know whether you are even on the same page. For example, if you both want to be dominant, it may be hard to proceed on that basis. Or if one person just wants to be kinky in the bedroom and the other wants a dominant mentor as a life partner, then it may be prudent to bridge this gap first before writing a formal document.

C. Drafting your clauses & rules

If you are largely on the same page, here are some clauses and examples to get started:

  1. Parties

Who are the parties to the agreement? What are their titles and their roles? You can have this as part of your cover page or you can include a clause as your opening statement.

Example:

This Contract is entered into between Sir Peter (“the Dominant”) and Lily (“the submissive”).

  1. Commencement date

When will your Contract begin? You can leave this blank until are ready to get started. When it comes to that stage, you may like to combine the commencement date with a signing ceremony. If you have already started your Dom sub relationship, then you may like to stipulate a retroactive commencement date.

This is another aspect which can be stipulated on the cover page of your contract or as a separate clause.

Example:

The Contract shall commence on [this date].

  1. Goal and Purpose of Contract

What do each of the parties wish to achieve?

Dominant’s goals:
submissive’s goals:
Combined goals:

Examples: to learn Shibari, to learn to be a good Dominant, to learn to let go of the ego.

You don’t need to have goals if that’s not your thing, but if you do, break them up into smaller, more achievable portions. This helps with achieving larger goals and avoids you getting overwhelmed.

  1. Term of Contract

How long will the Contract be in effect for? If you are just starting out, at least two weeks up to one month is recommended to adjust to the lifestyle changes. Initially, it’s best to set shorter periods so you may review the contract at the end of term to see if anything needs changing.

Example:

This Contract shall be in effect for thirty days, commencing on the Commencement date.

  1. Dominant’s Responsibilities

What does the Dominant agree to take care of and provide? In addition to the obvious necessary obligations such as being responsible for the slave’s emotional and physical wellbeing, what other obligations does the Dominant partner have?

For example:

The Dominant shall have the following responsibilities:

To provide a safe environment for play;
To provide the submissive with training to adequately serve the Dominant;
To ensure the submissive keeps up with her diet goals;
To explain any punishment administered.

  1. Availability of sub to Dominant

When does the arrangement apply? Is it constant and ongoing or will the power exchange only apply during certain days and hours?

For example:

The submissive shall make herself available to the dominant during the following times:

Wednesdays 7pm to 10pm
Saturday 9am to Sunday 10pm

  1. Submissive’s Behavior

Are there any restrictions on the slave’s behavior? How may/must the sub act toward the Dominant and others? Do you require particular rules for etiquette & protocols? Will there be a difference between public vs private behavior?

Examples:

During dinner time, the slave shall kneel next to Master and will dine from a bowl on the floor. She must not commence eating until Master takes his first bite.

When Mistress is speaking, slave shall not make eye contact with Mistress. He shall keep his eyes and head lowered to show deference to Mistress. When Mistress asks slave to follow, slave shall walk slightly behind and to the right of Mistress.

The submissive shall open all doors for the Dominant and shall always allow the Dominant to walk through first.

The submissive shall never interrupt the Dominant, whether in public or in private settings.

Free BDSM Contract Negotiation Sheet Button

  1. Communication

How may the sub communicate with the Dominant and others?

Example:

The submissive may discuss the relationship and the rules with the Dominant in person at any time by requesting permission to do so. The Dominant shall not unreasonably withhold consent. If at any time the submissive feels the need to stop the dynamic, she may do so by saying the word “pause”, at which time all power exchange shall cease and the parties will communicate as equals.

Or, the submissive may communicate her thoughts and feelings to the Dominant using a written journal or via email at any time.

When in public, the submissive may only start conversations with others if the Dominant is present and part of the conversation. The submissive must be courteous at all times. He recognizes that his behavior is a reflection on the Dominant.

  1. Sub’s Responsibilities

What does the slave agree to provide? For instance: domestic servitude, sexual servitude, foot massages, daily chores, chauffeuring, aftercare.

Examples:

The submissive shall keep the house clean and tidy at all times. She shall be responsible for cooking healthy meals for the household.

The slave must always be ready, willing and able to please the Dominant sexually whenever Sir requires it.

  1. Areas of Control

What is the slave willing to give control over? Is the submission sexual/servitude or both? Is it a total power exchange? What areas are free of control?

Examples:

Master shall have control over all aspects of slave’s life. Slave trusts Master completely; or

The Dominant shall have control over the following aspects of the submissive’s life and shall have the right to make decisions in regards to such matters provided such decisions are always in the best interests of the sub and do not breach any part of this Contract:

Genitals
Sexual release
Clothing & dress
Hair style & length
Domestic chores
Diet & exercise
Career 

  1. Submissive’s Veto Power

Does the submissive have a right to say ‘no’ to commands? If so, when?

Example:

The submissive may refuse a command at any time in the following circumstances: when the sub is concerned for her/his physical/mental health, when in public, around family/vanilla friends.

  1. Exclusivity

How exclusive is the arrangement? May others be involved? If yes, how?

Examples:

  • Monogamous relationship only
  • Open relationship
  • Threesomes only
  • Dom may/may not have other lovers/subs
  • Submissive may/may not have other lovers/Masters/Doms
  • Open to polyamory
  • Introduction of any new person must be discussed beforehand.
  1. Activities & Limits

What are your respective likes, areas of interest and soft and hard limits? What do these mean to you?

For example:

A soft limit means: an activity that I may consider after more research/discussion/negotiation.
A hard limit means: an activity that is never permitted.

Dominant’s areas of interest/likes:
Dominant’s soft limits:
Dominant’s hard limits:

sub’s areas of interest/likes:
sub’s soft limits:
sub’s hard limits:

Examples: spanking, restraint, electricity, role play, humiliation, everything is off limits unless stated here.

Our premium BDSM Contract has plenty of ideas with 3 full pages of activities to choose from and check off.

  1. Safe Words

What are your safe words and signals? Explain what is to happen once a safe word or signal is called.

Example: If I use a slow down safe word/signal, please check in with me. If I use a stop safe word/signal, all activity must stop immediately. A safe signal may be used whenever the sub is unable to use a safe word (e.g. whilst wearing a mouth gag).

Safe word for slow down: “Yellow”
Safe word for stop: “Red”

Safe signal for slow down: “squishing a squeaky toy”
Safe signal for stop: “Dropping object held in hand”

  1. Punishment

How may the Dominant punish the sub for misbehaving?

Example: The Dominant may use any of the allowable forms of punishment below:

Flogging
Corner time
Loss of privileges
Additional chores
Figging

  1. Collar

Will the sub have a collar? What kind? When must the collar be worn?

Collar rules:

The submissive will have a training collar only. At the end of this training, the Dominant may award the submissive with a permanent collar.

  1. Names/titles

How must the parties refer to each other?

Dominant’s name/title in public:
In private:

Sub’s name/title in public:
In private:

Examples: “Sir”, “Mistress”, “Babygirl”, “Alex”, “baby”.

  1. Confidentiality

Are the parties required to keep this arrangement confidential at all times? What about photos, videos of the parties?

Rules of confidentiality example:

The parties must never disclose anything related to this arrangement to others. Images and videos may only be shared/posted to social media with the express consent of the other person and only if anonymity is retained.

  1. Alteration

What are the rules about making changes to the arrangement?

Rules of alteration example:

Any change must be agreed to in writing and signed by both parties.

  1. Switching

Is switching allowed and if so, what are the rules?

Example:

The Dominant may require a switch of roles during any scene. Outside scenes, the parties shall retain their designated roles.

  1. Termination

Who may terminate? What happens once the arrangement comes to an end?

Example:

Either party may terminate the arrangement at any time. The parties may re-enter the arrangement if they so desire.

  1. Planning/negotiating scenes

Who is responsible for planning scenes? How will the parties negotiate scenes?

Aspects to consider: safety, location, roles, equipment, areas of the body, pain, aftercare, how you’d like to feel during  a scene?

Our BDSM Contract contains a scene negotiation worksheet to help you with this.

  1. Disclosure

Before you engage in any activity, is there anything the other party should know?

Examples: sexually transmissible diseases, medical conditions, phobias, physical impairments.

  1. Additional Rules

Any other rules, terms or conditions not mentioned above?

Additional rules examples:

list of daily chores/activities, maintaining a journal, process for resolving conflicts.

Ready to get started with creating your perfect contract?

Get my FREE Contract Template & Negotiation Worksheet

Take a peek at our BDSM Contract guide.

Also, see our premium BDSM Contract templates.