Many of those who want to enter the submissive life wonder if doing so will mean that they have to lose their own unique personality. They often fear that entering this side of the “life” will require them to change more about themselves than they wish to change. The answer to this dilemma will depend on the couple who are thinking of becoming long-term partners. It should be noted that this article will not deal with short-term arrangements where each party is more or less role-playing for a few hours or days. That is a different subject altogether.
Here are some tips on how to you can be a good sub without having to give up your own personality:
Communication is Vital
There is nothing more important that open communication between you and your partner before any agreements are made. In order for this dialog to be effective, however, you must first know what level of submission you are comfortable with. This may take some soul searching, but you need to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your partner.
What Are You Willing To Change?
It is important for you to know what areas of your personality you are willing to change for your partner. This is a very personal decision, and it will vary from one person to the next. There is no set answer. For some subs, giving up a lot of their personality is what they seek in this type of relationship. For others, however, they want to continue to be who they are even though they are being submissive to their partner.
Once you know what areas of your personality you are willing to alter, share this with your partner. Be prepared for your partner to ask questions about your decisions, and when you answer those questions it is vital that you give honest answers if you want your relationship to last. Being weak or evasive at this point in time can lead to a whole host of problems later on. It is far better to get this out into the open now.
What Does your Partner Want?
This is another question that the two of you need to discuss. Some Dominants want their subs to change a great deal. This might include changes to dress, vocabulary, freedom to come and go, and many other things. It is possible that you, if you are not comfortable with these changes, make it known that you are willing to change on a temporary basis, say during play time or during certain occasions, but are not willing to make these changes permanent. This is called negotiation and compromise and yes, subs have rights to negotiate their relationships.
This type of flexibility has worked for many couples and saved many relationships. It allows your partner to have what He or She wants from you, in terms of personality, but allows you to keep your personality intact. The key to this working, however, is communication. These issues need to be discussed before anyone makes a definitive decision as to how you should act or behave. Negotiating a Dominant/submissive Contract would be the best way of going about this. It’s an easy ice breaker and it allows you to go through the essential issues. Without this dialog, you may be putting the entire relationship in jeopardy.