Have you ever wondered if the Dom you just met has any experience in the “life”? If you are active in the life, chances are good that you have come across a few “wanna be’s” when it comes to Doms. Meeting and conversing with these individuals, be they male or female, can be fun, but you may not want to get into anything serious with them until you know more about them and their level of experience. Doing so can lead to a variety of problems including physical harm. So, how can you tell if someone has little or no experience at being a Dom?

If you’re looking to start a D/s relationship with a new Dom, consider writing a BDSM Contract first. You don’t have to sign one, but going over the issues and areas of control may save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

Evasive Answers

Most Doms love to talk about themselves and their past exploits. While this may not apply to all Doms, it is often the case. If you meet someone who professes to be a Dominant, and you ask Him or Her a few questions, and get only vague, evasive answers, well, that should be a red flag. This does not mean that you should immediately start asking very personal questions. That is not the way to go about getting the information you need. Instead, ask a few simple question about their general attitude toward the life and move on from there, slowly, if needed, to more advanced questions.

What To Ask?

You can start with the obvious. How long you been in the life? How many partners have you had? Do you have current sub or partner? What sort of action do you like?

This last question, and you can phrase it any way that you like, will give you some insight into if the person is involved with play such as spanking, whipping, waxing, etc. Once they answer this question, ask them how long they have been involved in this type of activity.

Beware the Bossy Boss

One way to feel out a new Dom is to be alert to those men and women who think that they can immediately start ordering you around. This often happens within a few minutes of meeting these people. More experienced and seasoned Doms know that acting this way is a sure sign of being a novice.

Experienced Doms enjoy getting to know potential subs as part of their play action. They want to know about you just as much as you want to know about them. Those who order you to get on your knees before they even know your name are most likely new to this life. That does not make them bad people or bad choices for partners, but it is something that you need to know before you move onto the next level.

Outward Appearance

This does not refer to dress.  It refers to how the person acts. Is he or she grinning nervously? Are they avoiding eye contact with you? Are they seemingly searching for their words before they speak? All of these can be clues that you are with a newby to the Dom life.

Keep these tips in mind and you will be better able to spot a novice to the Dom life, and that might save you some pain and disappointment.

Author: Robert O.