Moving from a D/s relationship into a TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship is one of the most important decisions couples make during any relationship. This is serious business and it must be approached carefully and patiently. Each side of the relationship, Dom and sub, will have to be willing and able to make some major changes if the relationship is to have any hope of lasting. With that in mind, here are some tips on how to make this transition easier and more effective.

For the sub: Know What is Involved

No sub should ever go into a TPE relationship without first knowing, or at least having some understanding, of what will be expected of them. Keep in mind that this type of relationship is like any other relationship in that it will vary from one person to the next. What I mean by this is that every Dom will have His or Her own ideas of what TPE is and what they want from their partner.

The time to get some understanding about what your Domme will want is before you agree to the arrangement. Some subs may feel that asking about this is somehow crossing the line. It is not. You are thinking about entering a very special type of lifestyle that will require a lot of major changes in your life and you have a right (sub or not) to know what you are getting into.

What Are the Dom’s Responsibilities?

In some of the more extreme TPE relationships, the Dom will have very few responsibilities other than controlling the sub as he or she wishes. Historically, though, this type of relationship is not all that common. In the vast majority of TPE relationships, the Dom has as many responsibilities as the sub, although they are different.

What the Dom will be responsible for and not responsible for must be discussed before the arrangement is started. Preparing a total power exchange contract is a good way to start the process of talking. Many a sub has found it more than distressing when they entered into TPE relationships only to find that their Dom now does nothing to support the home or the relationship.

Make Your Own Rules

As mentioned above, there are no set rules for this type of relationship. Each couple can set up their own rules as they see fit and proper. While TPE contains that word Total, it does not have to mean completely totally. Couples have the freedom to design their own lifestyle conditions. These conditions can run from a truly complete control of the sub to something less than that. The trick to success with a TPE relationship is to find what works for both people.

For those subs who truly want a TPE relationship, none of the above may matter. That is fine. Many subs do not want to be involved in the decision-making process. They want to serve without the pressures of having to decide. Again, that is fine if that is what the sub is seeking in his or her life. But, for those who are less inclined to be totally submissive around the clock, spending some time getting the groundwork laid is time well invested.

To get started on topics to discuss, with plenty of ideas for rules, check out our detailed BDSM Contract.

Author: Robert O.